A tongue-in-cheek look at the realism of University admissions and consequential life.
Words and music by Adam Scholey.
Arranged, recorded, engineered, mixed and mastered by Adam Scholey.
Lead vocals, dialogue, all instrumentation & programming - Adam Scholey.
Additional lead vocals and dialogue - Sian Parker.
I've found myself in Clearing,
Although my future used to gleam,
Apparently I'm "Clearing",
Although I'm not sure what it means,
My first choice was a picnic trip,
To see all the boats in the harbour,
But I'm left with Social Sciences BSc,
Which sounds that bit harder,
I'm told that I'm in Clearing,
Because I only managed 'C's,
But the deadline won't stop nearing,
And I'm afraid a job's just not for me,
Because the next 3 years will be quite sublime,
If I alleviate the State of funds which aren't quite mine,
I'm sure the Taxpayer can understand,
That 10 years from now I won't owe them 20 grand,
It'll be more like 30,
After Colin Smithson's all day and all night parties,
But let's not forget that,
A large degree of degree saturation,
Deploys employment alienation,
Now where are we gonna find the Jobs?
When the Gates are still open to those whose passion.
And enthusiasm and previous experience,
Is enough to see them through to the top?
Now this year I'm in Clearing,
'Cos Cambridge was over-subscribed,
And Durham and Sheffield and Nottiingham,
Didn't feel the need to reply,
And so I guess I'll go no placement here,
Envy Oxford's boat race this year,
'Cos that should be me up front,
Not some over-bearing, Ralph Lauren-wearing,
Social class-skirting, jumped-up little,
"Quentin" Daddy's boy,
I never needed Clearing,
And now my parents are so pleased,
'Cos tomorrow I head up-country,
Away from everyone I need,
Do they really love me?
'Cos my pleas just seem to fall on deaf ears,
And this weight above me,
Has been hanging so ominously for several years,
My sister's at home,
And Skype doesn't work,
I can't see their faces,
I'm going berserk,
Now I'm fully aware that,
Invaluable knowledge will be imparted,
But is it really worth 3 years in Cardiff?
[Sian] You know you can get a job without going to University?
[Sian] And you won't be thirty thousand in debt,
[Adam] Well what happened to you?
I didn't even enter Clearing,
But now my friends all seem concerned,
Because I took stock of what mattered,
And I decided to return,
I've got 'A*'s coming out of my arse,
From GCSE and A-Level you see,
And thanks to my historically diligent persevering,
[Adam & Sian]
It'll never be tables, or bars, or floors,
Or toilets that I'm clearing.