A small ode to a busy, public-facing festive season.
Please note: None of the opinions expressed within are those of any of the customer-assisting employees concerned, or even myself - this is a purely light-hearted observational take on the typical daily experiences of working in an environment of this nature.
We genuinely like our customers - they keep us fed and watered. Besides, we ourselves are customers to people who work in Tesco and B&Q and Build-A-Bear. And Simply Pleasure.
Only rarely Simply Pleasure.
Possibly extremely occasionally Simply Pleasure... x
It’s Christmas Eve and I’ve just taken the last call,
Sold two for Ronan who’s here next year in the Windsor Hall,
They thanked me kindly, then I cringed with sorrow,
As I heard those fateful words,
“I need them for tomorrow...”,
(Why leave it ‘til the last minute to buy for Ronan Keating, he’s been on sale for the last six months, you could’ve got them earlier...?
Anyway, that’s nothing compared to the rest of the season - let me take you all the way back to the start of December...)
We've two ice rinks this year, one indoors, one outside,
Walk down through the gardens, our shirts worn with pride,
But when we first clapped our eyes on that queue the first day,
Could've sworn we'd be serving ‘til the thirteenth of May,
They've queued in their masses, not one pays with cash,
It's the done thing to cart fifty credit cards round,
Ten tries at one PIN is a frightening thing,
There's a cash machine there,
"But they charge you a pound...",
Only skating for half an hour before the next batch are on their way,
I'm not sure we'll make it through to Christmas Day,
(Why do so many people insist on paying by card and holding up everyone behind them, it makes no sense?
Meanwhile elsewhere, it’s post, post, tickets, orders, post and more post - let’s jump over to the Phone Room to see how they’re getting on...)
Back at HQ there’s customers constantly phoning,
But a ten-minute wait's all it takes to start moaning,
Plus, baskets of tickets just keep piling up,
‘Cos it looks like the postman's stopped giving a damn...
There's nothing for Alfie Boe, Caro, or Plan B,
And JLS took only hours to clear,
Example’s just seats left; Il Divo, we're bereft,
Of anything remotely deemed to be near,
But still irate parents demand two more for a sold-out Jessie J,
And it's our fault we've ruined their daughter's Christmas Day,
(Well you can’t please all of the people all of the time, but when a show’s been sold out for months, how are we supposed to just magic two more seats out of thin air?
Well let’s listen now to an average, everyday conversation with a customer),
"Can't believe the shows I’ve missed",
Then join our mailing list,
We'll tell you all about our shows before they all sell out,
"But you'll sell my details and send me too many emails",
“I think we’ll leave it thanks, we much prefer The Lighthouse...",
Well there’s always the option to pay too much to see Mark Knopfler on eBay,
Seems like overdrafts were designed for Christmas Day,
(So there we go, another festive season down at the BIC done and dusted for one more year, filled with crabby customers, last-minute present purchases and “Bah! Humbug” complaints,
But there’s just something so rewarding, something so warming to the very core about being able to see the look on so many people’s faces as they...
Slip over on the ice and bruise their arse...)
released December 10, 2012
BASED ON ”FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK” BY THE POGUES FEATURING KIRSTY MACCOLL.
ORIGINAL MUSIC AND LYRICS BY THE POGUES.
LYRICS RE-WRITTEN HERE BY ADAM SCHOLEY.
ALL VOCALS ARRANGED, SUNG, RECORDED, EDITED, MIXED & MASTERED BY ADAM SCHOLEY AT PLASTIC PARROT STUDIOS.
THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING THE MUSIC - IF YOU LIKE THIS VERSION, PLEASE CONSIDER PURCHASING THE ORIGINAL.